Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Feel the Fear and Put Down the Credit Card

There is no correlation between creativity and equipment ownership. None.
Zilch. Nada.

Actually, as the artist gets more into her thing, and as she gets more
successful, the number of tools tends to go down. She knows what works for her.
Expending mental energy on stuff wastes time. She's a woman on a mission.
{...} The last thing she wants is to spend three weeks learning how to use a
router drill if she doesn't need to. ~Hugh MacLeod

But....But....how did he know I just bought a new accessory pack for my Dremel? Huh? HOW?!

So yesterday I found out I was accepted to Indie Craft Parade. This will be my first craft show...and it's a juried show. Which is awesome. A tremendous boost. A glorious injection of artistic affirmation [insert obligatory Sally Fieldesque 'they like me!' speech here]... and absolutely terrifying. Yup. I'm scared. I'll admit it. Scared of everything I need to do to get ready. Worried about arranging my table properly and do I need to take credit cards? And quietly wide-eyed and lip-quiveringly floored by the thought of "putting myself out there" and having people find out I'm really no artist after all. Just a poser with some leather scraps and a penchant for whacking things with a hammer.

So I did what any non-self-respecting nutty capitalist would do in this moment of drivelling angst. I got out my catalogs and started a shopping list! Because I should do MORE! I should add more skills. Design new styles of cuffs! Quick. Quick. Quick! I have to make things I've never even thought of in order to be worthy of public appraisal...

Luckily I'm reading Hugh MacLeod's little book Ignore Everybody - And 39 Other Keys To Creativity in my spare moments and he felt the need to pimp-slap me over oatmeal this morning. Is it bad that I want to learn new things? I was already planning on taking up metalsmithing...and I already had my Dremel....and I do want to come up with new designs and skills just to save myself and the world from the devastation that occurs when an ADHD person gets bored... Nah. It's not bad. Learning new skills is freakin' awesome.

BUT panicky shopping for new tools to make me feel "like an artist" is bad. Emphatically bad. A waste of time. A waste of money. And it's a pitiful way of constructing a shield for my neuroses to hide behind. (Don't look at the little wanna-be artist behind the curtain! LOOK at the TOOLS!)

My work - my current work - is what got me into the show in the first place. I don't have to re-invent myself between now and September. (though if you know me, you know I might do it anyway just for the halibut) What I need to do is slap myself back into semi-sanity, save my money, and get back to work doing what I do. I like...no.. I LOVE what I do. It's enough. There's time enough to learn the new skills - and get the tools if I need them. But I will get them out of my real desire for growth, not out of fear. I will not hide behind stuff. I will not avoid and distract with shopping.

My mojo didn't come via UPS before, and it's not gonna come that way now.

1 comment:

  1. Aw shoot! I was gonna say that.